He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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