hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
