You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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