You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
