i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
