I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
