your thong is hanging out like whoa
my phone needs a breathalizer
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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