my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
