SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
