you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
