I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize