I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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