It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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