I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
