Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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