shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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