I just cut my nipple shaving
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
