Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
