Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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