Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
