I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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