On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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