Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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