Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
