I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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