I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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