She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
