She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
