Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize