it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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