a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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