Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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