I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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