ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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