I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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