Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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