I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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