My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
