I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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