you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
