my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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