I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
