I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
