I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
