when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
