Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
