Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
