Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
