no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
