he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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