You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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