Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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