And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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