She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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