youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
