I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
