When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
