When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
