Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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