wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
