I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
