it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
