just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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