I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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