WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
