i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize