i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
