Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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